Progress, I think.

I posted this on Facebook a while back, but I wanted to have it here, too...

This is long. Fair warning :-)

In January, inspired by my friend Nakeia, I posted list of goals for this year. Not "resolutions", but things I wanted to accomplish for myself. I posted an update a month later. And now that some time has gone by, I thought I'd check in again.

1. Read my Bible every day. Strange as it may seem, I'm going to start with Hosea.
(February) I haven't done this every day, but I did read most of Hosea, and I've read more in spurts. That's far better than before!
(September) Yeah, I dropped the ball on this one. However, I'm going to participate in a series that the Southwest CoC in Jonesboro is doing...check out thestorysw.net.


2. Find something new everyday in my Bible reading, and journal it.
(F) I have not journaled, but just in reading, I've found something each time that I'd never read before.


3. Memorize a verse or passage from my Bible reading (something that sticks out or holds special meaning to me) once a week.


4. Make detailed grocery lists to avoid random purchases that satisfy my immediate hunger. This will also require a meal just before shopping, since food shopping on an empty stomach encourages the impulse purchases.


5. Pay off my credit card in full, by summer, if possible, but certainly by the end of the year.
(F) I've got it back below the credit line!
(S) HA! Hahahaha.....no.


6. Not use my credit card until it's paid off in full, and then only spend on it what I can pay in full that month.
(F)I might as well take it out of my wallet and leave it at home...I don't even think about it being there anymore (meaning that I haven't even touched it in months) so I might as well get rid of the bulk!
(S) I think I've used my card once, and then only to buy gas.


7. Make and stick to my budget.


8. Save a higher percentage of my income.
(S) I think I'm holding more out per check. Bigger rebate :-) And, if it's not actually give to me right away, I can't *spend* it right away.


9. Lose weight in a healthy fashion.
(F) I've joined SparkPeople.com. I think that'll be a good start! And I bought a scale, and upon weighing myself for the first time, had the pleasant surprise of being about twenty pounds less than I was expecting!
(S) After I moved to Jonesboro, I bought a yoga dvd and equipment. I've been using it for two months and have lost 20 pounds and a clothing size!


10. Focus on toning my body between now and early summer, so that I have a decent appearance as a bridesmaid in my oldest friend's wedding.
(S) I didn't start this in time for Kat's wedding, but hey...better late than never!


11. Save enough money to be able to pay for my dress for Kathy's wedding, and the trip to Fort Worth, without racking up any additional credit card debt.
(S) The dress was given to me, and my parents decided to go, so I wound up not being out any money on my own expenses, other than shoes. I *did* manage to save enough to get fun stuff for the bachelorette party and presents.


12. Pray every morning and every night, and mean it.
(F) I'm praying more often, at least. Still not every day, and certainly not more than once, but I'm making headway into forming the habit.
(S) I'm probably praying about as often as I did in February. No improvement there...but at least I haven't gone backwards!


13. Find the little local restaurants and go to them instead of the big chains.
(F) I went to The Bulldog Restaurant in Bald Knob the other day...I'll definitely be back. Oh, those chicken strips were wonderful! So was the lemon ice-box pie :-D
(S) I've scouted out the local coffee shops in Jonesboro. As far as restaurants go, though, I still don't like eating out alone, so...I mostly get drive-through if I don't cook for myself.


14. Use cash more often. Having been a part of a small business, I know how unfriendly credit cards can be, even to the people receiving the payment...I'd like to pay people in such a way that I know that they are getting every penny they deserve from me.
(F) I've been better about this, too. Since I'm not using my credit card anymore, it's a lot easier to remember exactly how much I have to spend, and most of the time, I don't spend unless I have cash, simply because I hate having to balance my checkbook.
(S) For the same reason I had in February, yes. I've had to keep a very close eye on my spending. I still have a bad habit of impulse buying, but at least now it's all paid up front rather than doubling and tripling due to credit card interest.


15. Do less impulse spending. This means less time at Barnes & Noble, Hastings, and clothing stores.
~See above. Using cash limits impulse spending. Can't spend whatcha don't have, right?


16. Tell people about Jesus, and in such a way to make Him real and accessible to them.


17. Spend time outside as often as possible, be it a five minute walk to the Shoppe or a couple of hours in the park. I need sunshine.
(S) I walk to get the mail at work every day. My arms are starting to have a little color :-) Now that the weather is beginning to cool, I'll spend some time walking the neighborhood, too...there are lots of pretty houses here, and what looks like a great library just a couple blocks away!


18. Grab a friend or two and go somewhere we've never been.
(S) Does moving to an unfamiliar town count?


19. Be honest with myself EVERYDAY.
(F) This is why I bought that scale. I've been better in other ways, too.
(S) I've gotten comfortable with being honest with myself about my weight (which probably contributes to my finally losing some!) I'm also beginning to accept some other things, like the very real possibility that I'll never give birth to a child. I don't like that fact any more than I used to, but I'm beginning to grasp the reality of it, at least. I'll definitely be adopting.


20. Have better thoughts about people.
(F) Unless you're talking about Sallie Mae, I've generally had more pleasant thoughts about people.
(S) Thoughts about Sallie Mae have gotten worse. Thoughts about others have generally been better.


21. Banish gossip.
(F) It's not totally gone, but it's a whole lot better, at least.
(S) Better, though only time will tell if that's my fault or the fact that I don't know anybody here to gossip *with*.


22. Be less afraid of buying music from groups I'm not familiar with. I've never been wrong before...I should trust my instincts more.
(S) Lack of money for this led me to Pandora radio...and Pandora led me to a couple of purchases :-)


23. Buy local art.


24. Save for and buy a potter's wheel and kiln.


25. Take up ceramics again...I loved it, and I don't know why I stopped.
(S) I'd love to find a class in Jonesboro!


26. Blog more.
(F) I've definitely been better about this.
(S) I've trailed off a bit, but that's due mostly to time.


27. Save for and buy a Wii system, particularly the Wii Fit, and USE it.
(S) I went with Yoga instead...MUCH less expensive. I still want a Wii Fit, but it can wait.


28. Clean and organize my house, and keep it that way.
(F) Better. Not perfect yet, but better.
(S) It was getting better, & then I moved. I've STILL got boxes all over the place...but it's gettin' there.


29. Decorate my house with things I already have and love, and get rid of what I don't need.
(S) My apartment doesn't have room for a lot of decoration, so I've only pulled out the stuff I REALLY love. Still working on getting rid of things, though.


30. Start a second blog to document my reading. I read a lot, and have posted my recently read books and comments about them here (in my Extended Info box), as well as what I'm currently reading and what attracted me to it. I want to do this in a more permanent method.
(F) http://thesweetserenityofbooks.blogspot.com/
(S) I've updated the book blog with every book I've had time to read since starting it! And I think I'll be able to pick up the pace again soon.


31. Hang up my clothes and put my laundry away as soon as it’s done, and get control of the pile of shoes by the front door somehow.
(F) The pile of shoes is gone. Laundry still needs work, though.
(S) I'm better about this. Not perfect, but better.


32. Cook my own meal at least 6 times a week, rather than eating out or depending on my parents.
(F) I still eat with my parents a lot, but more for the sake of not being alone rather than necessity. I try to help with groceries when I can.
(S) These days, when I remember to eat, it's almost always a result of my own effort.


33. Do the dishes by hand more often, especially since I'll be dirtying more of them.
(S) I don't have a dishwasher, so I've got no choice! I don't let them pile up like they used to, though.


34. Make up my bed.


35. Spend more time with my Grandma. Maybe surprise her with lunch in the middle of the week from time to time.
(S) Tough to do since I don't live in the same town anymore, but I make a point of seeing her when I'm there.


36. Control my emotions.
(S) I'm a little better, I think. I'm farther removed from the major stressors now (Mike, divorce, etc.)


37. Cut back on my caffeine intake.
(S) I could probably count on one hand the number of cokes I've had in the last month. Coffee is still a major habit, but lately, I've been making my own more often, rather than going out for it.


38. Fast food only a couple of times a month.
(S) I'm better about this. I'm still not quite where I'd like to be with it, but I'm definitely better than I used to be.


39. Practice Italian more and teach myself more of it.
(F) I joined LiveMocha. REALLY cool site and you should check it out :-)
(S) Forgot about LiveMocha around the time of the move, but I picked it up again last week!


40. Buy fruits and veggies from local farmers whenever I can. Arkansas produce is actually some of the best I've ever had, so why pay Walmart for the cruddy stuff from California?
(S) I haven't had the funds for this, but I think I've seen a Farmer's Market in Jonesboro, and I fully intend to make use of it when I am able!


41. Be patient with people who annoy me.
(F) I'm workin' on it.
(S) Still workin' on it.


42. Figure out who I am and accept myself.
(F) I'm workin' on this, too!
(S) I've got a little better idea, I think.


43. Define my standards regarding the men I eventually date, and have no fear in asking straightforward questions, no matter the subject. I will not go through another experience like this divorce if I can possibly prevent it.
(F) I'm not dating yet (I still don't know when I'll be ready for that) but I'm getting a clearer picture of what I want.
(S) I haven't started dating yet, but I do have the beginnings of a clear picture about what I want. And I am resolved not to bend or compromise on those specific things. I'm also ready, I think, to start dating again. Slowly.


44. Write handwritten letters to family and friends. USE the tons of stationery that's built up in my desk.
(F) I haven't started writing to people yet, but I bought stamps!
(S) Still haven't actually written. However, I fully intend to write at least one letter this week.


45. Praise God in all things.
(F) I'm getting better :-) It's tough sometimes, but I'm getting better.
(S) This comes and goes. My dark days don't seem quite as dark as they used to, though, and I've absolutely recognized how many blessings I have that I'd always taken for granted before.

The Agony of Debt

This post is mostly for my own sake...just venting. If you want to read about how completely pitiful and hopeless my financial situation is, read on.

I had very few scholarships for college. What I did have *might* have purchased a few classes worth of textbooks, but I doubt it.

When Mike and I got married in 2005, I had a job at Bath & Body Works, but it didn't pay me much and I got so few hours that it almost COST me to work there, because it was clear across town and, while gas wasn't as high as it was recently, it certainly wasn't cheap. It got to the point where I was so miserable working there (poor pay, bad bosses, bad hours) that I quit. It quite literally wasn't worth it. I worked for a little while on campus during the movie showings, but again...not much pay, and only two nights a week. I didn't mind it because I was basically being paid to watch movies. That was really the only job I even had time for, too, because of my classes. Mike wasn't able to work while he was taking classes at all, so we lived off of our student loans. Completely.

I graduated in December 2007 with EIGHTY-SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS in student loans. Just me. The 6-month grace period ended and found me jobless, so I deferred my payments. Now, they're harassing me again, and there's not a thing I can do about it.
I also have a house payment of $200 (this is recent...it was $320), a monthly car payment of $170, and a mastercard that is maxed out at close to $2000. I have utility expenses as well...gas ($60-ish), electricity ($120-ish), water & sewer ($40-ish). I'll have to renew my car insurance soon as well, and that will be another monthly payment of I-don't-know-how-much.

In addition to all of that, in November I paid half of the attorney fees to divorce Michael, which finished off what little was still in my bank account at that time.

I went a year without a paying job. Daddy and I were trying desperately to get our Shoppe off the ground, but new businesses typically don't start profitting for at least a year, if not two to five years. That meant no paycheck for either of us. That meant I had to find something else.

I applied for food stamps, and DHS expedited my case upon comparison of my expenses versus my income. A week after I applied, I started receiving roughly $180 in food stamp benefits. So at least I can eat...for a while there, I was entirely dependent on my parents for food...my refridgerator was empty, due mostly to the fact that my electricity got shut off and everything went bad.

I started a job at the first of this year as a receptionist at a counseling clinic. There's not a whole lot to do, but I get paid and that is wonderful. I know how lucky I am to have gotten it when I did, as the job market is the worst it's been in my entire lifetime, according to NPR, anyway. Still...I get roughly $200 every week. That doesn't cover much, considering I'm having to dig out of a pretty deep hole. I've gotten two paychecks so far, but my bank account is lower than when I started. I have, I think, $64 to my name, and $150 that'll be taken from my bank account on Saturday by the vultures at Sallie Mae.

Speaking of Sallie Mae...that $150 dollars is a "forebearance fee" to allow me to put off further payments, but it'll only go through March 1, and not a penny of it will be applied to the amount I owe. It's just so that I don't have to pay over $300, which would put me in the red in the bank. I asked, while on the phone with them this morning, about consolidating my loans. They're all through Sallie Mae, but there are several of them and it's really confusing to keep the payments straight. Their website is confusing and will give different numbers depending on the page you're looking at, and the paper statements don't line up with anything else either. I need to get them all into one, on paper, so that I only have to keep up with one track. However, they no longer offer consolidation. They decided in March, according to their website, that it was "no longer economical" to offer that service. Right. It's SO much better to have people default on their payments because they can't keep them straight. And apparently, even filing bankruptcy won't get them off your back...they really are vultures, preying on the injured or already dead.

Where is the "economic stimulus package" for students? Where is our bailout? What are the people going to do who haven't been even as lucky as I have in finding work? There's no way out.