Breathing

I apologize for that last post. I'm beginning to wonder if I need to be on antidepressants of some sort, at least until I'm far removed from my divorce from Mike, and I've started making some friends here. It just gets so terribly lonely when I start thinking about everything I've lost, and there isn't anyone here that I can talk to. My mom takes Lexapro, and so does my Grandma, so I know that at least a touch of depression runs in my family anyway. I just hate the thought of being dependent on medications for anything. I usually don't even take Tylenol until I'm in a fetal position, crying from pain...otherwise I'd literally be living on the stuff because of my neck. My Grandma was taking fourteen different medications a day when I was taking care of her, and I don't want that.
But this weekend, I hit a new low. I won't go into detail, because I don't want to scare anyone, nor do I particularly want to remember it.
Whenever I've got the money to go, I think I'll go to a doctor and ask. Can't hurt to get some information, at least.
Anyway...a handful of angels pulled me through the weekend. Josh was one of them...he called and prayed and was wonderful. Kevin Pratt reached out from my memories and reminded me of a cd that's always helped me through grief, so I found it and played it several times and sang and let the music pray for me. They were my earthly angels, and I know that there were heavenly hosts battling for me, too.

I'm okay. I'm *going* to be okay. I don't want anybody to worry about me. I DO, however, want you to keep on praying for me. I'm not over this thing yet. I might not ever be. I've seen several completely non-helpful articles about how divorce can take an irrevocable toll on one's physical health (gee, thanks for that!) as well as emotional health. I know I'll heal and move on. I know I'll always have a scar, and I will have moments and even days for the rest of my life during which I'll have a dark cloud over my head because of this. But I know I'm strong, and I know that my God is immeasurably so. I'll be alright.

I love you. I hope you all know that. I love you very, very much.