Then & Now

I was looking through some photos today that my dad took two Christmases ago. I honestly have no memory of that Christmas...it was right after my divorce and everything was just a blur, even at that time, I'm sure. My dad was flipping through the pictures at the house one day & I saw one where I was opening a gift, there was a dog on the couch beside me, and David Johnson was behind me. The dog was one I'd completely forgotten about...my brother and I kept her for a little while, trying to find her a home. I'd totally forgotten that she spent Christmas with us. And David...I had no memory of his presence at all, for which I feel really bad, actually. But there they both were. I asked my dad to copy the file to my computer so I could look through the pictures at some point, and I finally did so today.

It's kinda nice to fill in some of the holes in my memory from that point in time. In most of the photos, I was smiling - something I doubt I did much of at that time. It's good to look back and see that I did still have SOME joy.

The other thing that struck me was how much I've changed physically since then. I know that weight isn't really important, but I do genuinely feel better being lighter...and despite what the scale has been telling me, I don't often realize the aesthetic change. Check it out:

Then

Christmas 2008

May or June 2009 - trying to figure out how to arrange my dress for Kat's wedding.

and Now

New Year's Eve, 2009 with Kat & Ashley

October 2009, in a dress that fits me even BETTER now :-D

What amazes me is that I didn't even try. The weight loss and the return of *something* that had been inexplicably absent for YEARS can only be attributed, in my mind, to a miracle. I honestly believe that while I was married to Mike, God purposely screwed up my body so that I would be unable to get pregnant...and now that all chances of Mike fathering my children are gone, so are the barriers to my having babies. Of course, this makes me all the more anxious to be a mom...but for now, I can at least appreciate the miracle of the ABILITY. I know that someday (hopefully very very soon) I'll find a guy that's RIGHT for me and loves me as much as I'm capable of loving him (because I know, very deeply now, how important that factor is!) and who will be a wonderful husband and father and now that I've gone into daydreams I'll shut up. :-)