Going Home

I'm pretty sure I say this with nearly every post, but...I need to write more often. I haven't posted since the Spring, so this is long overdue. That being said, here's what's been going on over the last three months.

May

Not much happened in May, really, except that I came to a pretty important realization. It finally registered with me that someone I love very much treated me very, very badly. And I finally got ANGRY. I told him so, and he gave me a weak, insincere apology, and I haven't gotten in touch with him since. If he wants to make things right, I'm completely open to it, but it's up to him, and I'm not holding my breath.

That relationship (whatever kind of relationship it was) wouldn't be the first that God put in my life for just a very specific time when I needed it, and then took away again after whatever trial I was going through was over. The best example of that I think would be Kevin Pratt...when we dated, he was dealing with shock from the shootings at his church, and I lost my great uncle, who I was very close to. We sort of helped each other grieve and then when we were both sort of out of the dark, we just stopped dating. We stayed friendly, but the romance just wasn't there anymore. Maybe that's what God was doing with Josh...I don't know...but I sure wish Josh had handled the end of it differently. Oh well! I've suffered worse, as you know.


June

My friends in Jonesboro convinced me to check out ABC's "LOST". Six years ago, when the show first started, I was under the impression that it was a reality show (and I just couldn't figure out why Dominic Monaghan would bother being on a reality show) and, because of that impression, had absolutely no interest in seeing it. But as I said, my friends here made it their mission to get me hooked, and they succeeded. I started watching via Netflix's "instant watch" feature, which was probably a mistake. I got hooked from the start. The way the Netflix thing is set up, at the end of each episode, there's a button for "Watch Next Episode"...and it's way too easy to lose track of time that way. Anyway...that little obsession actually turned out to be a good thing, because the main culprit in getting me hooked started coming over to watch with me, and it has been wonderful having company. His name is Lance, and he's a good guy. We got pretty comfortable with each other, and then, when he heard that my anniversary with Mike was coming up (June 25) he decided to distract me and he took me out to dinner. It was really nice! We were going to go to a movie after that, but the theater was insanely crowded, so we went out for coffee and then came back to my place & watch a couple of episodes of Lost instead. Sometimes friendships start in the strangest ways...and I don't mind it a bit.


July

During the first full week of July, I got up the nerve to take a trip home alone. I drove to Fort Worth by myself - a major feat for me. I usually get incredibly sleepy in the car, even when I'm driving, so I generally try not to drive alone more than an hour and a half or so...and sometimes even that is hard. So...the prospect of a seven hour drive TERRIFIED me. I did it, though, with no trouble at all on the way home! I detoured down to Bullard, Texas, before going to Fort Worth. Ken & Natalie & their girls live there, and I desperately wanted to see my sweet Alexis. I love that little girl more than I can possibly express. I can only imagine how much I will love my own children some day! It was wonderful to see the Collinses...they're wonderful friends! I only stayed one night, but I didn't think Alexis was going to let me leave. I think the sweetest moment for me during that stay was in the middle of the night. Everybody was asleep, and Alexis started having a bad dream. I was sleeping in her room & she was sort of whimpering, which woke me up. I didn't want to wake her up, but I hated that she was scared, so I started softly humming the lullaby I used to sing to her when she was a baby. She calmed down right away and slept peacefully the rest of the night. I can't wait to do that for my own babies! It made me really happy that her sleeping mind recognized that lullaby :-)
On Sunday, I went into Fort Worth. It was SO GOOD to be home! That night, I got to meet some of Kat & Nico's neighbors, and that was a LOT of fun. We played Catchphrase, and I think that PEZ candies will forever make me laugh. Ask me why sometime, if you weren't there :-)
The next day, we celebrated Kat's birthday & I got to see her family, which was great. Made me feel old to see her (not so) little brother...I can't believe how tall he is & how deep his voice is. I remember him being born & now I'm pretty sure he's taller than me. Time flies!
On Tuesday, I met up with Sara for lunch. Brooklyn has grown so much since I met her in January, and she is absolutely precious. She looks just like her Mama, but with a darker complexion & adorable black ringlet curls all around her adorably chubby little face. She giggled while I held her and just stole my heart away. Sara said she usually screams when other people hold her, so I feel pretty special. After lunch, I went to the Botanic Gardens & wandered around for a while. The Conservatory is such a neat area of the Gardens, & I hadn't been there in a long time, so I went in there first, and that was a treat! Then, I wandered around in one of the outdoor gardens, and found a new area, too...a boardwalk devoted to educating people about native plants versus invaders, native animal species...lots of neat stuff.
After I left the Gardens, I met up with two of my old friends & their kids. It was great to catch up with Zac & Susan, and to meet baby Micah, and especially to finally meet Zac's son, Eathen. I've been praying for that little boy for as long as I've known he even existed, and it was wonderful to see him healthy and happy after his transplant.
Wednesday was a lot of fun...Kathy, Ashley, and I had lunch at the Camp Bowie Antique Mall (or, rather, at the Rose Garden Tearoom inside it) and then Kat & I looked around at all the neat old stuff. There was a lot that I would have loved to buy if I'd had the funds! I *did* spring for the cookbook, and am looking forward to trying my hand at some of the recipes, and I also got a bag of the tea because it was SO good. Seriously...best tea I've ever had. I'm glad Kat found the bag & mailed it to me last week! Kat and I pretty much spent the whole day shopping, which was actually fun, since I'm not limited to one store anymore, and Kat has an inherent sense of style & kept shoving stuff at me to try :-) I came out with a top (I still need to remove that liner...), a cute belt, and a fun purse that I've carried pretty much every day since. That night, I joined Kat & Ashley at their housechurch for a game night & surprise birthday celebration for Kat. I loved it! Beautiful group of people & I hope to get to know them myself.
On Thursday, I spent most of the day with Sara. I slept in, and then when I got up, I went to her apartment. We finally got to exchange Christmas gifts, haha! We mostly sat around & talked, and went for a brief bike ride, then went to pick up Cameron & took him to a Cats game. He'd never been to one, so it was a treat to introduce him to it! He got to meet Dodger, which was cool, even if Sara kept making (pardon the coming pun) cat calls at Dodger, trying to set me up. The Cats won, Cameron got to run the bases with the other kids in attendance, and in spite of the drizzly rain, Sara and I had a lot of fun!
Friday meant brunch with Becky, who I hadn't seen in about seven years. Becky, Sara, and I were inseparable as kids, but Becky & I had a falling out around age 16, but we've mended :-) We met up at Mimi's Cafe (who has the BEST muffins in the WORLD...ohmygosh...the Buttermilk Spice ones are heaven!) We got to catch up a bit & we had fun just talking. The rest of the day was a lazy day, I think mostly due to the storm that rolled in. I watched it coming in & got some neat pictures before Unagi (Kat & Nico's 80 lb boxer) got up in my lap! He snoozed, and I read a book for a while & drifted off a bit myself. At some point on Friday, Nico took me out for pho (pronounced "fuh"; it's Vietnamese rice noodle soup). I've heard of pho for a long time but this was the first chance I've ever had to try it. SO GOOD.
In the evening, I went over to Ashley's for a movie night. My old friend David crashed the girls' night, which was fine with me...I hadn't seen him in ages! He brought sandwich stuff; Ashley cooked melts with it & had cookies made, too. We watched Valentine's Day, which was cute, and then Kat came in & we all watched Leap Year, which was also really cute :-) I love my girls!
On Saturday, after taking Kat & Nico to the airport at like 3 am, I slept in a bit, then went over to the Kimbell Museum. They recently added a very special piece to their permanent collection: Michelangelo Buonarotti's "The Torment of Saint Anthony". It is Michelangelo's first painting, and the first of his work to enter an American collection. Pretty cool! It was a special experience to see it. I LOVE the richness that Fort Worth possesses in terms of art and culture. The museums are just wonderful. There are lots of different ethnicities in the city...when Nico took me for pho, it was like a Little Vietnam...definitely not something I'm likely to find in Arkansas. Downtown is beautiful, packed with art galleries and unique restaurants of all different kinds...I love my hometown. Anyway...Saturday night, I went down to Crowley to watch fireworks with Sara & her family. It was a great evening! I've known her whole family my whole life and I loved being with them that night.
I spent the night with Ashley that night & went to church with her on Sunday. The Exchange was certainly different from any services I've been to before. The sermon was good & the people are great, though, and I'm very glad I went! We had lunch at what turned out to be a great barbeque place, and then I grudgingly packed up & came back to Arkansas.
The rest of July was fairly dull, except that I spent a LOT of time with Lance. I've cooked for him a couple of times, we've been out to dinner a few times, and we finished LOST. Our time together will be at an end after this week, though...he's moving away :-( I've been very glad for his companionship this summer & will miss him a lot.
In spite of the length of this post, I've had a lot of time with nothing to do, so I've been thinking a lot. I feel like there are lots of signs pointing me home to Fort Worth. My current job has been a blessing at a time I needed it, but it isn't a career for me by any means, and I've grown increasingly restless in it. Being in Fort Worth just felt RIGHT. The closest of my friends here have all moved away, or will be soon. I never wanted to live in Arkansas to begin with. I think I'm at a point where I'll be alright living on my own (though it's still a scary prospect!) and I just feel like I need to go home at this point. I really do. So, I'm going home. I'm looking for a job, working up my resume, and hoping to get home very, very soon. Pray for me!