Going Home

I'm pretty sure I say this with nearly every post, but...I need to write more often. I haven't posted since the Spring, so this is long overdue. That being said, here's what's been going on over the last three months.

May

Not much happened in May, really, except that I came to a pretty important realization. It finally registered with me that someone I love very much treated me very, very badly. And I finally got ANGRY. I told him so, and he gave me a weak, insincere apology, and I haven't gotten in touch with him since. If he wants to make things right, I'm completely open to it, but it's up to him, and I'm not holding my breath.

That relationship (whatever kind of relationship it was) wouldn't be the first that God put in my life for just a very specific time when I needed it, and then took away again after whatever trial I was going through was over. The best example of that I think would be Kevin Pratt...when we dated, he was dealing with shock from the shootings at his church, and I lost my great uncle, who I was very close to. We sort of helped each other grieve and then when we were both sort of out of the dark, we just stopped dating. We stayed friendly, but the romance just wasn't there anymore. Maybe that's what God was doing with Josh...I don't know...but I sure wish Josh had handled the end of it differently. Oh well! I've suffered worse, as you know.


June

My friends in Jonesboro convinced me to check out ABC's "LOST". Six years ago, when the show first started, I was under the impression that it was a reality show (and I just couldn't figure out why Dominic Monaghan would bother being on a reality show) and, because of that impression, had absolutely no interest in seeing it. But as I said, my friends here made it their mission to get me hooked, and they succeeded. I started watching via Netflix's "instant watch" feature, which was probably a mistake. I got hooked from the start. The way the Netflix thing is set up, at the end of each episode, there's a button for "Watch Next Episode"...and it's way too easy to lose track of time that way. Anyway...that little obsession actually turned out to be a good thing, because the main culprit in getting me hooked started coming over to watch with me, and it has been wonderful having company. His name is Lance, and he's a good guy. We got pretty comfortable with each other, and then, when he heard that my anniversary with Mike was coming up (June 25) he decided to distract me and he took me out to dinner. It was really nice! We were going to go to a movie after that, but the theater was insanely crowded, so we went out for coffee and then came back to my place & watch a couple of episodes of Lost instead. Sometimes friendships start in the strangest ways...and I don't mind it a bit.


July

During the first full week of July, I got up the nerve to take a trip home alone. I drove to Fort Worth by myself - a major feat for me. I usually get incredibly sleepy in the car, even when I'm driving, so I generally try not to drive alone more than an hour and a half or so...and sometimes even that is hard. So...the prospect of a seven hour drive TERRIFIED me. I did it, though, with no trouble at all on the way home! I detoured down to Bullard, Texas, before going to Fort Worth. Ken & Natalie & their girls live there, and I desperately wanted to see my sweet Alexis. I love that little girl more than I can possibly express. I can only imagine how much I will love my own children some day! It was wonderful to see the Collinses...they're wonderful friends! I only stayed one night, but I didn't think Alexis was going to let me leave. I think the sweetest moment for me during that stay was in the middle of the night. Everybody was asleep, and Alexis started having a bad dream. I was sleeping in her room & she was sort of whimpering, which woke me up. I didn't want to wake her up, but I hated that she was scared, so I started softly humming the lullaby I used to sing to her when she was a baby. She calmed down right away and slept peacefully the rest of the night. I can't wait to do that for my own babies! It made me really happy that her sleeping mind recognized that lullaby :-)
On Sunday, I went into Fort Worth. It was SO GOOD to be home! That night, I got to meet some of Kat & Nico's neighbors, and that was a LOT of fun. We played Catchphrase, and I think that PEZ candies will forever make me laugh. Ask me why sometime, if you weren't there :-)
The next day, we celebrated Kat's birthday & I got to see her family, which was great. Made me feel old to see her (not so) little brother...I can't believe how tall he is & how deep his voice is. I remember him being born & now I'm pretty sure he's taller than me. Time flies!
On Tuesday, I met up with Sara for lunch. Brooklyn has grown so much since I met her in January, and she is absolutely precious. She looks just like her Mama, but with a darker complexion & adorable black ringlet curls all around her adorably chubby little face. She giggled while I held her and just stole my heart away. Sara said she usually screams when other people hold her, so I feel pretty special. After lunch, I went to the Botanic Gardens & wandered around for a while. The Conservatory is such a neat area of the Gardens, & I hadn't been there in a long time, so I went in there first, and that was a treat! Then, I wandered around in one of the outdoor gardens, and found a new area, too...a boardwalk devoted to educating people about native plants versus invaders, native animal species...lots of neat stuff.
After I left the Gardens, I met up with two of my old friends & their kids. It was great to catch up with Zac & Susan, and to meet baby Micah, and especially to finally meet Zac's son, Eathen. I've been praying for that little boy for as long as I've known he even existed, and it was wonderful to see him healthy and happy after his transplant.
Wednesday was a lot of fun...Kathy, Ashley, and I had lunch at the Camp Bowie Antique Mall (or, rather, at the Rose Garden Tearoom inside it) and then Kat & I looked around at all the neat old stuff. There was a lot that I would have loved to buy if I'd had the funds! I *did* spring for the cookbook, and am looking forward to trying my hand at some of the recipes, and I also got a bag of the tea because it was SO good. Seriously...best tea I've ever had. I'm glad Kat found the bag & mailed it to me last week! Kat and I pretty much spent the whole day shopping, which was actually fun, since I'm not limited to one store anymore, and Kat has an inherent sense of style & kept shoving stuff at me to try :-) I came out with a top (I still need to remove that liner...), a cute belt, and a fun purse that I've carried pretty much every day since. That night, I joined Kat & Ashley at their housechurch for a game night & surprise birthday celebration for Kat. I loved it! Beautiful group of people & I hope to get to know them myself.
On Thursday, I spent most of the day with Sara. I slept in, and then when I got up, I went to her apartment. We finally got to exchange Christmas gifts, haha! We mostly sat around & talked, and went for a brief bike ride, then went to pick up Cameron & took him to a Cats game. He'd never been to one, so it was a treat to introduce him to it! He got to meet Dodger, which was cool, even if Sara kept making (pardon the coming pun) cat calls at Dodger, trying to set me up. The Cats won, Cameron got to run the bases with the other kids in attendance, and in spite of the drizzly rain, Sara and I had a lot of fun!
Friday meant brunch with Becky, who I hadn't seen in about seven years. Becky, Sara, and I were inseparable as kids, but Becky & I had a falling out around age 16, but we've mended :-) We met up at Mimi's Cafe (who has the BEST muffins in the WORLD...ohmygosh...the Buttermilk Spice ones are heaven!) We got to catch up a bit & we had fun just talking. The rest of the day was a lazy day, I think mostly due to the storm that rolled in. I watched it coming in & got some neat pictures before Unagi (Kat & Nico's 80 lb boxer) got up in my lap! He snoozed, and I read a book for a while & drifted off a bit myself. At some point on Friday, Nico took me out for pho (pronounced "fuh"; it's Vietnamese rice noodle soup). I've heard of pho for a long time but this was the first chance I've ever had to try it. SO GOOD.
In the evening, I went over to Ashley's for a movie night. My old friend David crashed the girls' night, which was fine with me...I hadn't seen him in ages! He brought sandwich stuff; Ashley cooked melts with it & had cookies made, too. We watched Valentine's Day, which was cute, and then Kat came in & we all watched Leap Year, which was also really cute :-) I love my girls!
On Saturday, after taking Kat & Nico to the airport at like 3 am, I slept in a bit, then went over to the Kimbell Museum. They recently added a very special piece to their permanent collection: Michelangelo Buonarotti's "The Torment of Saint Anthony". It is Michelangelo's first painting, and the first of his work to enter an American collection. Pretty cool! It was a special experience to see it. I LOVE the richness that Fort Worth possesses in terms of art and culture. The museums are just wonderful. There are lots of different ethnicities in the city...when Nico took me for pho, it was like a Little Vietnam...definitely not something I'm likely to find in Arkansas. Downtown is beautiful, packed with art galleries and unique restaurants of all different kinds...I love my hometown. Anyway...Saturday night, I went down to Crowley to watch fireworks with Sara & her family. It was a great evening! I've known her whole family my whole life and I loved being with them that night.
I spent the night with Ashley that night & went to church with her on Sunday. The Exchange was certainly different from any services I've been to before. The sermon was good & the people are great, though, and I'm very glad I went! We had lunch at what turned out to be a great barbeque place, and then I grudgingly packed up & came back to Arkansas.
The rest of July was fairly dull, except that I spent a LOT of time with Lance. I've cooked for him a couple of times, we've been out to dinner a few times, and we finished LOST. Our time together will be at an end after this week, though...he's moving away :-( I've been very glad for his companionship this summer & will miss him a lot.
In spite of the length of this post, I've had a lot of time with nothing to do, so I've been thinking a lot. I feel like there are lots of signs pointing me home to Fort Worth. My current job has been a blessing at a time I needed it, but it isn't a career for me by any means, and I've grown increasingly restless in it. Being in Fort Worth just felt RIGHT. The closest of my friends here have all moved away, or will be soon. I never wanted to live in Arkansas to begin with. I think I'm at a point where I'll be alright living on my own (though it's still a scary prospect!) and I just feel like I need to go home at this point. I really do. So, I'm going home. I'm looking for a job, working up my resume, and hoping to get home very, very soon. Pray for me!

I've GOT to update more often...

It has been over a month since I updated my blog. Oops. And a rather eventful month it has been, too!
The day after my last post, I was laid off from my job at the clinic. Not a big deal, since I was about to turn in my two-weeks notice, anyway. The timing was a bit of a surprise, though. My boss was really nice about it, and let me stay one more week, which was awesome...it showed how much he trusted me, since everything in the office had to be confidential. He knew I wasn't going to go insane and start doing anything illegal :-) Anyway...it was a great job for being my first after college. I had practically nothing to do most of the time, but it got me in the habit of being in one place for an extended amount of time, and I'll have a great reference. But seriously...I got paid to be on Facebook and read blogs and stuff like that every afternoon. Thursday of the last week I worked, I watched Cleopatra (the one with Elizabeth Taylor) in its FOUR HOUR ENTIRETY without a single interruption. Seriously. :-)

After being laid off, I started really working toward moving. I've been packing and sorting like crazy. I've gotten *almost* everything moved to Jonesboro at this point...I've just got to move my clothes and a couple of pieces of furniture, and I'll be done! All there will be left will be myself and my cats! I'm a little nervous about how they're going to take the move, but I'm sure they'll adjust alright.

My wonderful friend Jessie threw me a Pampered Chef surprise party as a sort of going-away/apartment warming party, and that was SO sweet of her! I got lots of cool PC stuff that I know I'll make a lot of use of. The biggest surprise of the night, though, was that Josh came! My oh-so-amazing friend drove 15 hours from Colorado (his family lives in Searcy, so he wasn't coming *just* for me) and came to my party! He came over to my house that night, too, and we talked for hours and hours...it was so nice to actually be in the same room with him, instead of internet chatting. I love talking to him online (we do so nearly every day), but it was lovely to actually see his face. He came over the next night, too, and it was absolutely fabulous! We made a blueberry cobbler with berries that his mom had picked herself just the day before. SO sweet!

A couple of weeks ago, my parents and I moved my Grandma out of the nursing home she's been in for the past couple of years and into an assisted living apartment. The change has been wonderful for her! The nursing home was AWFUL...they pretty much stuck her in a wheel chair and left her there so long that she basically forgot how to walk. We had no other option but to have her there, though, since there wasn't an assisted living complex in town, and she can't be on her own. She's too prone to falling. The hospital finally built a facility that was more what she needed, though...other people her age, LOTS of activities geared toward her demographic, and a staff of certified nurses who can and will help if something happens. She's got her own space, though, and can still be semi-independent, which she needed. After only a couple of weeks there, she's walking again, assisted by her walker, and she only uses the wheelchair when she gets too tired to walk on her own. She looks so much better than she did at the nursing home...it's obvious that her activity level is on the rise.

Finally, last weekend was spent at HOME in TEXAS! It was SO good to be there. My friend Kathy married a wonderful man, and my friend Ashley and I were her maids of honor. The wedding was beautiful (if a bit hectic...but then, what wedding isn't?) I got into Fort Worth on Wednesday, the 24th, and stayed with Kat. I got to meet Nico's father, who'd come in from Venezuela, and Unagi, Kat's rescued boxer. Cesar (say-ZAR) was really sweet, though a little hard to understand sometimes because his English was so heavily accented. I wish I'd remembered more Spanish from the three years I took in high school...oh well. Unagi is a sweet dog...he was a little shy at first, but he turned out to be a very affectionate dog and he's CRAZY about Kathy :-) The 25th was an interesting day for me. It would have been my fourth anniversary with Mike, so I kinda had a cloud over me for most of the day, but I was busy enough with wedding preparations that I didn't have time to really focus on that. I'm SO glad that I was in Texas with my friends...they made sure that it wasn't a horrible day for me. The only time I really broke down was that evening. The rehearsal was that night, and Kathy, Ashley, and I were in the foyer, lined up to start down the aisle, and suddenly, I couldn't breathe at all. I went out into entry hall and called Josh, who knew what was wrong even though he couldn't understand what I was saying (his 5th anniversary with his ex-wife would have been the 19th, so he'd just been through the same thing.) He told me he'd pray for me and that I'd be fine, and after talking to him, I was. I still cried quite a bit through the rehearsal, but it was bearable. The rehearsal went well, and afterward, we all went to dinner at Los Vaqueros, which is a great little Tex-Mex restaurant in the Stockyards. It was great! I (tried to) give a toast, but I completely choked on it...it was fine, though, I think...Kat and I have been friends for sixteen years now, and she knew what I was trying to say :-) We went back to the church after that to finish up whatever we could, and then went back to Kat & Nico's and crashed. Friday was an insanely busy day...Ashley and I went to find flowers and then we spent more time at the church trying to set up everything for the reception. We had the bachelorette party at Pappadeaux, which is sort of Cajun seafood stuff. It was good! I'd gotten lots of decorations, and Ashley and her mom got it all set up and once we convinced Kathy to take a break from the wedding preparations and GO, it was great! She had fun and got some really pretty things. Saturday morning, Ashley and I went to the salon to get our hair done, and then to the mall to get shapewear for me (since I managed to forget the $80 thing I'd gotten for the express purpose of this wedding...) and I felt completely ridiculous walking through the mall with big fancy hair with my t-shirt and jeans...haha! We met up with Kat after that for manicures & pedicures...we ALL needed the downtime that that provided, and when we got to the church afterward, everything went smoothly. Kat was a beautiful bride...she had a very classy, vintage-y look about her. The wedding went perfectly...there was only one goof and it was so funny and so perfectly timed that I managed to get through the whole thing without tears! Basically, anyway...I had a single tear or two when Gran gave her blessing and prayer. The reception was fun and it all was just perfect!






I went out that night with Ashley, her boyfriend, and one of his friends. We went to the Flying Saucer downtown, and then to Transformers 2 in Sundance Square. It was a fun night, but I was SO tired by the time I got back to Ashley's apartment! I went to church the next day and saw several people from the church where I grew up, which was bittersweet, really, but it was so good to see them. I got to see my aunt & uncle, too. My parents had been staying with them the entire time we were in town, and I stayed with them the last night, too. I LOVE my family and I was really glad I got the chance to see them.

Anyway...I'm back in Searcy now, finishing up moving to Jonesboro. Life is still hectic, so I don't know when I'll be able to update again, but I'll try to do so soon!

Things I'd Like To Accomplish This Year

My friend Nakeia posted a note on Facebook with a list of things that she wants to accomplish in the coming year. Not "New Year's Resolutions," per say, but just things that will improve her life day to day and in the long run. Lots of what she posted applies to me, too, so I copied (and in some cases, tweaked,) the items that I'd like to accomplish for myself, and added some, too. Wish me luck, and perhaps offer encouragement :-) There's no particular order here.

1. Read my Bible every day. Strange as it may seem, I'm going to start with Hosea.

2. Find something new everyday in my Bible reading, and journal it.

3. Memorize a verse or passage from my Bible reading (something that sticks out or holds special meaning to me) once a week.

4. Make detailed grocery lists to avoid random purchases that satisfy my immediate hunger. This will also require a meal just before shopping, since food shopping on an empty stomach encourages the impulse purchases.

5. Pay off my credit card in full, by summer, if possible, but certainly by the end of the year.

6. Not use my credit card until it's paid off in full, and then only spend on it what I can pay in full that month.

7. Make and stick to my budget.

8. Save a higher percentage of my income.

9. Lose weight in a healthy fashion.

10. Focus on toning my body between now and early summer, so that I have a decent appearance as a bridesmaid in my oldest friend's wedding.

11. Save enough money to be able to pay for my dress for Kathy's wedding, and the trip to Fort Worth, without racking up any additional credit card debt.

12. Pray every morning and every night, and mean it.

13. Find the little local restaurants and go to them instead of the big chains.

14. Use cash more often. Having been a part of a small business, I know how unfriendly credit cards can be, even to the people receiving the payment...I'd like to pay people in such a way that I know that they are getting every penny they deserve from me.

15. Do less impulse spending. This means less time at Barnes & Noble, Hastings, and clothing stores.

16. Tell people about Jesus, and in such a way to make Him real and accessible to them.

17. Spend time outside as often as possible, be it a five minute walk to the Shoppe or a couple of hours in the park. I need sunshine.

18. Grab a friend or two and go somewhere we've never been.

19. Be honest with myself EVERYDAY.

20. Have better thoughts about people.

21. Banish gossip.

22. Be less afraid of buying music from groups I'm not familiar with. I've never been wrong before...I should trust my instincts more.

23. Buy local art.

24. Save for and buy a potter's wheel and kiln.

25. Take up ceramics again...I loved it, and I don't know why I stopped.

26. Blog more.

27. Save for and buy a Wii system, particularly the Wii Fit, and USE it.

28. Clean and organize my house, and keep it that way.

29. Decorate my house with things I already have and love, and get rid of what I don't need.

30. Start a second blog to document my reading. I read a lot, and have posted my recently read books and comments about them here (in my Extended Info box), as well as what I'm currently reading and what attracted me to it. I want to do this in a more permanent method.

31. Hang up my clothes and put my laundry away as soon as it’s done, and get control of the pile of shoes by the front door somehow.

32. Cook my own meal at least 6 times a week, rather than eating out or depending on my parents.

33. Do the dishes by hand more often, especially since I'll be dirtying more of them.

34. Make up my bed.

35. Spend more time with my Grandma. Maybe surprise her with lunch in the middle of the week from time to time.

36. Control my emotions.

37. Cut back on my caffeine intake.

38. Fast food only a couple of times a month.

39. Practice Italian more and teach myself more of it.

40. Buy fruits and veggies from local farmers whenever I can. Arkansas produce is actually some of the best I've ever had, so why pay Walmart for the cruddy stuff from California?

41. Be patient with people who annoy me.

42. Figure out who I am and accept myself.

43. Define my standards regarding the men I eventually date, and have no fear in asking straightforward questions, no matter the subject. I will not go through another experience like this divorce if I can possibly prevent it.

44. Write handwritten letters to family and friends. USE the tons of stationery that's built up in my desk.

45. Praise God in all things.

Fort Worth Weekend!

Mike and I decided to postpone our anniversary celebration from June 25 to Independence Day weekend. We did so because of a concert that we particularly wanted to go to, and I'm SO glad that we did!
We left Searcy on Friday, and while we'd have been in Fort Worth in time to go to a fireworks show, we opted to just settle in at Kathy & Nico's house. We'd wanted to go to the Botanic Gardens for the Concerts in the Garden, given by the Fort Worth Symphony, but I wasn't sure how to get there from where we were staying. It was alright, though, because from their living room window, I could see at least five different displays around the city. It was gorgeous!
I finally got to meet Nico, Kathy's fiance. He seems absolutely wonderful! Great guy, good family, and he can cook! Always a plus!
Related to that...Kathy asked me to be her Matron of Honor! I deeply appreciate that honor and priveledge, and I can't wait until her big day! She'll be a lovely bride, and I hope that I can help made it a special day for her.
On Saturday evening, we (Kat & Nico, Kathy's grandparents and brother, Nico's family, and Mike and I) all went to LaGrave Field for the Fort Worth Cats baseball game. They're the Triple A/feeder team for the Texas Rangers. It was SO much fun! It's more relaxed than a major league game, and had more scoring than the majors, too, which gave it a faster pace. There was a gorgeous fireworks display after the game, too. It was a great night! Oh, and the Cats won!
Sunday had a tinge of bittersweetness to it, because Rosemont wasn't there anymore for me to go home to. We went instead to the Southside Church of Christ, where I'd heard that a lot of the older Rosemont people wound up. I saw several of them, as well as someone I hadn't seen for probably ten years. It was great to see everybody, but a little hard, too, because there were so many others that had gone elsewhere and I know that I'll never see everybody together anymore. It was still nice to see those that were there, though. Next time, I'll probably go to the Burleson CoC...I know that a lot of people went there, too, after Rosemont closed.
We went to brunch in the Botanic Gardens after that...there's a little restaurant in there that only serves brunch. I'd never been before, so Mike and I met up there with Kathy, Nico,and Ashley. It was good, and not as expensive as I expected them to be, particularly given that it was an all-you-can-eat buffet. I was impressed. We went to see Wanted downtown after that...I had my eyes turned away quite a bit (it was a little graphic for me) but I thought the story was interesting, and I love the three principal actors and actress (James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman, and Angelina Jolie). Not one that I'll watch again, in all likelihood, but I'm glad to have seen it.
Monday was a fairly laid back day, since we didn't want to wear ourselves out before the concert. We wandered around downtown some, and in a couple of shops on Camp Bowie, and I ate, for the first time, at a sushi bar! I ordered Terriyaki Chicken, since I didn't want to get stuck with a lot of raw fish if I didn't like it, but I did try some of Kathy's. I don't remember what it was called, but the fish was salmon. I didn't like the texture of it at all, but I think I could get used to it, and I did actually like the flavor. I think.
The concert was amazing. Parking was ridiculous ($15!) but since the theater is kind of off by itself, they could get away with that. Oh well. The opener was Sharon Little. She said that four months ago, she was waitressing, and that Robert Plant and Alison Krauss hand-picked her to tour with them. I think that's awesome. I liked her. Mike and I had the PERFECT seats...we were in the front row of the balcony, so there were no people in front of us blocking our view, and it gave me a place to rest my camera. I was able to take lots of pictures without flash and they came out really well. Also, our row was all by itself...nobody behind us kicking our chairs! Those are definitely the seats we're going to go for anytime we go to that venue. Anyway...the show itself was great...they sang the songs from their album, of course, but also mixed in some of their old stuff. She sang Down to the River to Pray, with him singing background, and sort of combining their styles, and he sang some Zeppelin stuff while she put a bluegrass spin on it. It's amazing to me that their styles blend so well, and I love it. T-Bone Burnett also played a few songs...I've always heard his name, but always as the producer. He's a great musician, too, though. Not really my style of music, but I can definitely appreciate his talent. It was a great show.
Well...that was my wonderful weekend! I hope I can go back soon!